Replacement

I don't like my exs' new girlfriends. Anyone else? Even though he's an ex, and there's no going back, I still don't like the new ones. Well, not all of them, but the fiance's in particular. It doesn't matter who she is, what she is or when she happened. She may be the gutteriest of the gutter sluts, queen of the groupies or perfect McPerfectison. It doesn't matter how terrible or how awesome she is. Because the only thing I'll ever see her as, is my replacement. And I just hate the idea of her.

Its not that I don't want him to be happy ever again, I just don't want him to be happy before me. I don't know what he would think of my life now, or if he even thinks of me. Obviously, by talking about it, I'm still thinking about it. Not in a did I make the right choice way, but still, just thinking. And while he's not a pressing concern of my life anymore, I still want to be a concern of his. I know that's selfish and unreasonable. Logically I know he's moved on, just like I'm doing. But there's still this stupid little twinge I feel, that I need to know I meant something. And when I'm replaced, she just... smudges me out.

I know everyone has said "s/he'll never do better then me" to sooth their breakup wounds. But don't you wish that was true? Don't you wish you really were the best that a person was ever was going to get and that they know it?

(You're probably wondering where the hell this thought process came from. I dreamed he had a baby and the Norman Rockwell style life I wanted for us with someone else. I woke up miserable. So not the greatest way to start my day)