Juxtaposition

I am dealing with two very big, but also very different things in my life right now.  My wedding, which I am incredibly happy and will babble on and on about, and my dad's condition, which I am incredibly morose and overwhelmed by.

It's very odd to be on both and opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. And they are seemingly unrelated to each other, but they also intertwine with each other at the strangest times.  One moment I'm crying in frustration about my dad's condition, and an hour later I'm giddily trying on my wedding dress and crying with happiness. 

I can compartmentalize at times, so I can feel completely happy when I should, and also sad when I should.  I can not mesh those two things and not feel twinges of a particular emotion when experiencing the others.  Other times I'm not quite as deft and emotions get mixed up.  But I really don't know if it's better to manically swing from one end of the scale to the other, or if I keep things jumbled up.  It's exhausting going back and forth.  And it's confusing to be both.  It's just, well, it's odd.

Math Problems

Today is my dad's 67th birthday. Two weeks ago was my 29th birthday, so if you do the math, that means he was 2 weeks shy of of his 38th birthday when I was born. 

If someone asked me how old my dad was though, I always had to think about it, and then, do the math.  Though despite my math prowess, adding 38 to my age always flummoxed me.  But after years of simply trying to add two numbers in my head failed me, I finally figured out a way that was easier for me.  Now, I add 40 then subtract 2.  Yep, I added an extra step. 

Math prowess indeed!

Happy birthday dad!

Fashion show! Fashion Show! Fashion show at lunch!

I tried on my wedding dress for the first time!  There are not enough exclamation points in the world to convey how happy I am about that.  When the dress first arrived there was no reason for me to try it on, so it waited patiently for me in a closet in Lexington until the time was right. And then, once the time was right, I couldn't wait to put it on for the first time.

However, I did have to wait a little bit, because like I said, the dress was in a closet in Lexington.  And every time I was in close enough proximity to it, so was my future husband.  And while I may not be the most traditional of brides in some aspects, I DO NOT want my fiance to see that dress or me in it until I am walking down the aisle to him.  But I'm visiting Lex by myself this week, so I finally, finally, got to put on the dress I have been wanting to wear for as long as I can remember. 

So before lunch today, stepped into my wedding dress for the first time.  It needs to be taken in in some places, and other places I can't gain an ounce, but it was wonderful.  Wonderful, happy and so hopeful.  But really, just so, so, so happy.

SQUEEEEE!!! 

Boy Logic

mike: I'm going to start some laundry.
me in my head: what an awesome husband to be!
me out loud: Cool. What are you going to wash?
mike: The whites. Or the colors. Do you have more pressing need for either of those?
me: Nope.
mike: Ok. Though they are both sort of small, I may combine the loads.
me in my head: NOOOOOOO!!!
me out loud: Um, don't do that.
mike (slightly confused): Uh, ok. How come?
me in my head: Seriously he doesn't know that? That's like a cardinal rule of laundry!  Oh, right, I live with a boy.
me out loud: The colors could bleed.
mike: Um ok...
me in my head: quick, must think of another reason justifying 2 small loads of laundry! Oh! Our washer is smart! Yes! That may work!
me: Honey, we have a smart washer, it knows how much water to use.
mike: Oh. Ok. Really?
me in my head: Hell if I know.
me out loud: Yep.
mike: ok
me in my head: Phew!

Darling, I love you more than words can ever say and I appreciate everything you do.  Forgive me, I just couldn't help but tease a little.

Ham on Rye

For some of us, there comes a point in your life when you enter the sandwich generation. It's when you are taking care of aging parents and young children simultaneously.

I'm approaching that gateway.  I guess right now I'm more of an open-faced sandwich, because I don't have young kids to take care of yet.  And I'm also not physically taking care of of my dad since my parent's live 400 miles away.  So I'm just trying to tell my mom things from a distance.  So since I'm not really doing any actual care taking, I'm not really part of a sandwich at all. 

But I will be.  One day I'll have young kids, and fingers crossed, I'll have at least one parent left at that time too.  I don't know how much longer I have with my dad.  And not in that figurative we never know what time will bring us way.  With his disease, our time is now limited.  We may have 12 years, we may have 2.  And yes it breaks my heart to acknowledged that, to realize that you and those you love are not immortal. 

I don't want to be a part of the sandwich generation just yet.  But if being there means that I still have my family, then ok.  I'll be a sandwich.  I'll be a ham on rye, just hold the mustard.

Remember When

Dr soc and I went to see Harry Potter 7.2  this afternoon after my family left from visiting this weekend.
First, there were people there dressed up in the proper Hogwarts house of their choosing. I know this because I first saw them posing for pictures in the bathroom, and secondly, they also sat right next to us. Of course I mocked them a little. I'm a fan of the series and all, but I'm not a dress up type of fan.

Second. We saw a matinee showing.  So the tickets were $5 a piece, which was awesome.  I mean, it's a different time of day, it's not like the 8 pm movie is any different than the 2 pm movie.
Mike and I liked the movie itself, but what Mike really liked was the matinee price.  So as we're
driving home this is the conversation we had:

mike: I liked that the tickets were $5 each. 
me: Hey remember when $5 was the night time price for a movie ticket?
mike: Yeah, I do. That was a while ago.
me: Remember when we didn't say remember when?
mike: -sigh- Yeah...that too.