Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Face your fears

God I hate that trope. Because my 5 year old is fearful of pretty much everything and will face absolutely nothing. It's not this cute little aww she's just shy sort of thing. It's a full force whiney cry and inability to function fear of...whatever it is. In the blink of an eye she has gone from 0 to 100 and once she's in that state there isn't a damn thing anyone can do to get her off that ledge.

The worst panic tantrums are always health/body related. Brushing her teeth. Trimming her talons nails. Performing basic body functions of going to the bathroom. When I start looking for Neosporin and or a band aid for her. Any medicine. Telling her we have to remove a splinter that she has said "it hurts!"      

Yes these are real fears to her and I want to respect that so she can work through them. I do. But sometimes we don't have time (or energy) to work through something, or there aren't any other options to give. It's very frustrating when whatever fear has been carrying on for a while and absolutely no effort has been made, especially if there isn't an alternative. And tbh once she's on that ledge her only option is complete obstinance so any amount of time or alternative is a moot point. 

For example, she'd rather let a gaping wound heal 'on it's own' but down the road that gaping wound leaves a scar she's distraught over that. And yes we told her she could have a scar but that won't change her mind in her fear tantrum. Or when she had an ear infection and she had to take medicine, and because there are no other options we had to force her to take it which we know isn't the right way but it had to be the way at that moment because we are not going to let your ear rot and fall off simple because she is too chicken shit to take the yummy medicine.

Yeah a part of me feels not great talking smack about my kid, but when she's being a jerk can we call a spade a spade here? But also I don't want her to miss out on things because she was to scared to even try. At a birthday party everyone ran across the room for something and she refused for some reason. So the rest of the party moved on without her, and she broke down in tears because she was hurt. And yeah it sucked to see her upset, but at the same time she has to learn sometimes the world is not going to wait.  

What it comes down to is that I'm just frustrated and I wish I knew the answer like before I had children.   

Monday, June 7, 2021

Jules

Jules crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday. She turned 13 in April but had started limping the beginning of the year and was starting to show her age. Last week she stopped eating and then suddenly it was time to let her go. When Bailey died she hadn’t been with us for several years, plus I wasn't the one who had to make the end of life decision. With 2 very noisy kids and their stuff everywhere you might not think our small quiet dog being gone would have such an effect, but wow, does it. I mean, we have crumbs now. Innocuous right? But no, all those seemingly innocuous things...hits hard. Without Jules now it feels...lonely. 

But what a good girl she was! Some of the best moments:

her blog debut
laser eyes

wow could these 2 mayhem!


though she did eat some of my best pregnancy snacks

She was so good with the human babies:
will snarf for foods

Jules: nothing to see here human. Jules got this 

girl 2: mommy! we have a dog!?!
Jules: drop those cheerios bald puppy

and by far the best broom we've ever had

whatever you have I want
strolling through her neighborhood

Sun on my belly, 'dis the life!

yard✔ sunshine✔ toy✔

you no dad lap...but you only lap here...so...

'dis my human! (both with more hair but less gray ones) 

beach please!

teenager Jules: ugh, go away human and leave me with my toy 

I batman bitch

Dear Jules, you are missed. Thank you for loving us silly humans and tolerating the little loud ones we brought in your house. Frolic happy spunky girl. And rest in peace sweet pup. 

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Scar tissue

 My dad died 6 years ago today. 

I’m sad today like always, but this is the first year I think the break in my heart he left has scarred over enough and I’m going to be okay.

Yeah. I’m okay. Still miss you dad. Always love you daddy. But I’m okay. I’m okay. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Salty Bedtime

The past month bedtime with the girls has been...challenging. Bedtime routine is supposed to go:
- 7pm -
- Nighttime potty (Girl 1) /nighttime diaper* change (Girl 2)
- Vitamin
- Brush teeth
- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms
- Sleep: around 7:30pm 
*We** are also trying to potty train at this time
**mom and dad are, Girl 2 is nope.    

Here's how bedtime routine actually goes:
- 7pm-7:30ish Shit it's bedtime -
- Nighttime potty (Girl 1) /nighttime diaper change (Girl 2)
1: Cajole into performing basic body function of going to the bathroom 
- Vitamin
- Brush teeth
fight over step stool, put toothpastes on tooth brushes. 1: whine/cry "I need help" because bodily function. 2: run giggling with the toothbrush in mouth  
- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms
1: You need to go to your bed in your room. No you do not get another story. No it's not time to play with us. What do you want to show me? Yes you can play/listen to your music in your room but do so quietly. Shhh! Shhhh! (nothing is louder than girl 1 trying to be quiet)
- This part has been ALL ME the past month -  
2: Snuggle/rock. Exhaust. Lullaby. Put in bed. Put in bed. Put in bed... Eventually lay down in bed with mommy is snuggling.* Freak out/cry run if mommy inches** away.***  
*uncomfortably laying on the floor and toddler bed
**lay on floor next to bed trying to work out neck kink.
***literally scoot inch by inch towards the door while fighting all the lingering mommy exhaustion from the past month
- Sleep: 10pm or later

Tuesdays I get home from work around 8:30 so it's 100% dr soc/daddy bedtime. Last night went like:  
- 7pm
- Nighttime potty/diaper change
- Vitamin
- Brush teeth
- Stories
- Kisses/hugs, go to rooms
1: Plays fairly quietly in room until I come home and check on her. Thump. Thump. Thump. Honey, you need to whisper and and be still to be quiet. Thump. Thump. Thump. Repeat 17 times (give or take)
2: put in bed and fall asleep in 5 fucking minutes!!!!  
- Sleep: 1 no idea, late and mommy shushed as usual: 2: 7:fucking 30pm. 

I am thrilled all my work and rigmarole got girl 2 to sleep in 5 fucking minutes. But I am also salty as hell she fell asleep in 5 fucking minutes for dr soc.  So glad I made that part of parenting easier for my husband.  So yes, happy overall. But also incredibly salty because fucking hell 5 minutes with no snuggling, rocking, exhausting, parental yoga moves, inching away! What the hell kid?!