Pampers Points

On occasion my toddler will say "poop-poop" after she has done just that. (Other times she'll say it and grunt with a huge grin because it's hilarious.)
So the fist time she legit (not the bullsh*t-pun intended-version) did this, my mom-sense immediately recognized this as a sign she's could be ready to potty train. Mommy however, is not ready.  Nope.
Do I want my kid to be in diapers forever? No, of course not. Diapers are expensive and environmentally toxic and gross in general. But...I'm just not mentally there.
She's only 19 months old, still a baby. My small helpless baby is a legit toddler and she's growing into a strong, chatty opinionated little girl right on schedule. But she's still a tiny little girl - the 1st percentile. She would fall in! The stool to reach the potty and sink would probably be bigger and heavier than her. I mean... how could such a tiny little girl be ready?
At least she's not really showing any other signs. So the mom-guilt isn't flaring up at this particular moment over this. I'm sure it will soon enough over something just as developmentally important, but meh, for now I'll change my baby's diapers.      

High Road / Low Road

When they go low, we go high. Yes, yes, lovely sentiment.
I get that there is dignity in the high road...

But who's getting elected for the most part?
Who's writing healthcare laws for everyone behind the no girls allowed secret clubhouse Senate doors? (hint: no one suffering from the pre-existing condition "women" or "not-white")

And look who's in the Oval Office. That ass did not get there via the high road. He didn't even try a nicety shortcut here and there. He frolicked on the low road and is now lapping up the flattery of the deplorables.      

So yeah, the low road won, and took out most of the high road too. The low road gang gets the chance to do something, anything, because they are the majority.  A lot of good dignity does when you aren't even allowed on the playing field.

So f*ck going high. Go low. Fight dirty. Be UGLY. And stop time going backwards.

Dirty Words

My toddler mimics everything she hears. The words, the inflection, any sound effects (and we do a lot of sound effects), everything. All it takes is for one dirty word to slip out and next thing you know the kid's dropping F-bombs and calling people assholes (but if I'm being honest I will probably lose it because that would be hilarious). In other words, we have to watch our language now.  

You know what isn't a dirty word though? Compromise.

I'm tired of this zero sum game politics have become and scared the omnipresent vitriol will continue to hurt more and more people like yesterday. One of these days the people hurt could be me, my loved ones, even you. You honestly never, ever know.  When did everything become so black and white? How did disagreement become the insurmountable divide?

And one more thing sorta related to sides: when you don't say anything because you know it's not politically correct. That? Is not correct. "It" is politically correct now because at some point "it" was racist, or sexist, or any other outdated way of speech. Stop those dirty words too.  

Hair Trigger

Republican senators and their staff were shot at with a semi-automatic weapon.
Across the country - literally across the country- in San Francisco two victims and the gunman are dead from a shooting at the same time.
And in Georgia there's a man hunt has been going on for over 24 hours for two inmates who escaped by shooting their correction officers with the officers' own weapons.

HOW.
MANY.
MORE.
SHOOTINGS.
UNTIL.
REAL.
GUN.
CONTROL?  

Bills, Bills, Bills

While the asshole president is throwing his ritual twitter tantrums, the Senate and/or House is quietly passing their deathbed healthcare bill. I'm sure they're all hoping while the president sulks we won't notice the damage they are eliciting. I will say I am so confused. I just don't get the whens, whats, whys, whos and hows the government and bills should do.

Because church and state are separate entities, and corporations need to be left alone to regulate themselves. Fortune 500 companies may rightfully impose the CEO's personal religions beliefs on their employees. Denying abusers access to firearms is unconstitutional, but denying healthcare (or help to the victims of those firearms) is totally kosher. Speaking of Judaism, it's okay to practice whatever religion as long as it's not Islam, or you're brown, and you don't take the jobs white American is too good for. A poppy seed sized embryo is a person with all of it's rights and those rights take precedence over and at the expense of the female host, but only while being hosted. Females in general should not make health decisions about their own life/bodies but are held fully responsible when they were recklessly female and assaulted.

And then there's the enabling the poor people with entitlements. Don't feed the poor kids at school or have a safe place to go after school. Their parents need to work harder, get a job with a living wage and move to a better part of town. But don't mandate a living wage for heavens sake! Where would that money come from? Those rich tax breaks don't go very far.

Seriously, I don't get it. Can I get this mansplained?

Love

Two years ago today my father passed away in the morning.
It's something I'll never forget. Even though he had been sick for years and it wasn't unexpected, I was still gobsmacked that this was the moment to truly say goodbye. I wanted to sob and have Dad comfort me like always, but I knew comforter was my role now. So I held it together, just enough. I called my sister so she was able to say goodbye. Mom, Mike and I sat beside him and told him over and over how much we love him. Mom and I each held his hands as he slipped away, and then he was gone. And I'll never forget that.

But something else I won't forget is that evening when so many dear friends came over. They all brought food so we wouldn't have to cook the next few days. We were laughing, remembering, looked through years of pictures, they just keept us company. Every light in the house was on, was it was loud, and it felt alive, surrounded and filled with love. So even though there was a huge hole in my heart with my dad gone, my heart still felt very full.

Life still feels that way at times. Like something is missing at times, or something has changed in some way, but my heart still feels full.