Outliers

The hospital I'm having the baby at offers free prenatal classes, so I figured, when in Rome and signed us up for a series of childbirth classes. Here are some of the things we have learned so far:

• There are stages and sub-stages of actual labor. And it can take a long time to get a baby out.
• But at least the possible long labor has a pretty sweet labor/delivery/birthing/postpartum suite.
• I'm definitely having drugs.
• Epidural babies may come out sleepy and could have a hard time latching when trying for that first feeding.* 
• Daddies will pack the hospital bag wrong, as well as the wrong picture and/or going home outfit.** So it's best to do it yourself.
• Daddies also don't listen to mommies when football or whatever huntin' and fishin' show they like is on.*
• Dr soc and I are the class outliers. We are the only ones in the class who are going to be surprised on the sex, and we also won't share the names we have picked out.
• But we're not the weirdest ones either. We certainly were not the ones who asked if we could keep the placenta and if it was possible to make a smoothie out of it.**  
• We are the snarky classmates though. While every other parent set were sharing that their favorite part of pregnancy is feeling the baby kick* and/or watching mom's body change/grow life sentimental stuff, dr soc shared that his favorite part is that we can sit at the grownup's table now since we'll have a child ourselves, and I said that my favorite part is all the snacks and people doing stuff for me all the time. It's the truth!

*Or did I learn that at the breastfeeding class I took? In that class I learned why lactation consultants can be referred to as lactation nazis. They have very strong opinions on breastfeeding and how it is the most important thing you can ever do for your baby with it's countless benefits and formula is a dead food and other than nutrients won't benefit baby at all and you are horrible.
**Wait, are these separate things? Baby only has a Christmas photo shoot outfit and no other clothes because gender neutral stuff doesn't exist, and now I need two outfits? Shit.
*We didn't find either of those sexist at all. Nope.
** Seriously someone asked that. The nurse teaching the class didn't know so she said to refer to dr google. (some cultures/religions do save it but it's not a western world practice. The making it into a smoothie though is definitely some sort of ethnocentric western world idea thing.)
*Yeah those kicks and rolls are fun and exciting and all that jazz, But sometimes those dance party/ninja warrior moves hurt and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if baby could get off my bladder at the same time baby is stretching into my lungs. Play with one organ at a time please.