Moo

You know that saying whose going to buy the cow if they're getting the milk for free?  I'm in the market to buy a cow.  Not because I suddenly have to pay for milk, because I've always had to pay for milk like the rest of us fine upstanding citizens.  But I'd still like to get a cow because this is the conversation I had with Mike last night: 

Mike: Hey, if you go to the store tomorrow, I'm almost out of milk.
Me: Already?
Mike: Yeah...
Me: I swear, we just need to buy a cow for as fast as you go through milk.  We should put one on the registry.
Mike: Um, ok.
Me: Though, you drink skim, so I'm not sure how the cow in the backyard plan would quite work for that.
Mike: Not sure either.
Me: Maybe a skinny cow?
Mike: Yes.

With that kind of logic, I'm sure it's no surprise that I almost failed biology, yes?

I AM your teenage dream

TrueBlood came back Sunday, but HBO's too expensive here, so I don't get to watch it (SOBS!) right away.  I'm dvr-ing it at my parent's house so I'll have a major watch binge in a few weeks, but still, it hurts.  So on Sunday, as I was trying to ignore the fact that it was 9:01 and I was flower researching instead of vampire watching, Mike starts flipping though the tv guide.  And Syfy has a new movie: Swamp Shark. 

If there's one thing that I've learned since being with Mike, is that made for tv syfy channel movies are so incredibly campy and terrible, that they are freaking awesome.  This is the is perfect distraction to my Trueblood deprivation!  So as he pauses on Swamp Shark, I say "why haven't you flipped to that yet?!?!" 

It was terrible, but in an awesome way.  The next night, there is still nothing on, so I flip to the NFL's top 100 players of 2011.  If there's another thing I've learned about since being with dr soc, is that he cannot live without NFL football. (When we first started dating I told him about my fantasy football team specifically for the reason that I hoped it would make him like me more. (and it worked!))  So as we're watching this count down, I had this realization:

Yesterday I insisted we watch a syfy movie and I just flipped to football related tv.  I am my fiance's dream woman.

Higher Ed

So I took the GRE again yesterday.  The good news is that my verbal score went up 50 points!  However, my quantitative score went down 50 points....so I have the exact same score as I did before.

However, I feel ok about this.  Because this GRE, my verbal score was a 10 points higher than my quantitative score.  And I have a feeling that with library school, most want your verbal score to be the higher of the two.  After the test I felt good enough about it to even send my scores to the grad school I want to get into.  

I didn't study for my SATs or ACTs, and I still got into college.  And while I did study for the GRE, a distracted hour or two a day doesn't actually do much good.  But I feel ok about everything.  I was way more relaxed this time around, and the score I needed/wanted to go up did.
  
It's funny though, because I studied the verbal section more my first test, and ended up having that be my lower score.  This time I studied the math section more and that was my lower score.  So the moral of the story is, studying is bad.

Life Cycle

Stuffed toys have a short lifetime in this house.  Every now and again, I buy stuffed toys for the dogs.  I do this knowing full well that they will die within a matter of minutes of crossing the threshold.  They arrive looking something like this:

take note of the blue shark and the killer whale
(you know who wanted the shark toy? My fiance.)

And within 20 minutes of giving them to the dogs, I had this:

Jules enjoying the stuffed whale carnage  

and this:

 

Bailey-girl guarding her shark shell

And that is why I don't spend more than $1 on stuffed toys for them. And also why I hid my childhood teddy bear from them as well.

Tough Enough

I'm trolling the facebooks and the ad on the side is for once is not wedding related.  Instead, it's for some mud race.  Now I get this type of race isn't just splashing through some mud puddles and hoping over a few fallen logs here and there.  But the ad for it pissed me off, because it was presented like this:

Are you too tough for marathon running? How about 10+ miles of running through mud fire and obstacles?

Excuse me, but marathon running is not for the weak.  (Look at me, I haven't even done one yet and I'm already defensive of it.)  Getting dirty while running doesn't make you any tougher, it just means you get dirty.  So my reaction to the ad was: hey asshole, running a marathon is dedication and discipline. Running through fire is stupidity.

Botulism

It is summer here in the Carolinas, and it is hot.  But since I prefer warmer weather to cold, I'm not going to bitch about the temperature.  Because it is so hot though, I sweat a lot.  I wear an antiperspirant/deodorant, but they only do so much in this kind of heat.  Plus, after a while, the smell of the deodorant itself starts to bother me and I need to go a day or two without.  It's better for your skin if you skip a day as well, so as long as I'm not going anywhere, everything's copacetic.

This really isn't that big a deal except that I'm getting married (squee!) at potentially hot time next year, and one of the last things I want to be worried about on my wedding day is to be sweating so bad that I stain my dress.  And I'm also incredibly vain.  So I was pretty intrigued when I heard that you can put botox in key places to control/stop sweating temporarily...

But when I casually mention this to my ex and almost sister-in-law as something I'm considering, they think it's a stupid idea, join forces to gang up on me and start making fun of me for that idea.  Not to be deterred, I decided they clealry didn't understand the importance of this and I would take pivotal things like this to my family and inner circle.  Because when I told my sister the same idea, her reaction was: the same as mine, intrigue and oooh we should do that.  See, that's what I'm talking about.  But I didn't marry the ex, and my neither my sister or I ended up getting botox for her wedding a few months later.  So I just tucked the idea of temporary botulism away for a while.

Of course I think about it again this wedding.  Of course I do.  I mentioned it to dr soc and he thinks it's a terrible idea.  (Clearly I do not.)  However, my sister told me that clinical strength antiperspirant works well if you apply it right, so I've decided to give that a try and not look into the botox thing after all.  But don't worry, I shifted my crazy beauty bridal thing from botox to eyelash extensions!  (Not to mention a full body wax and maybe a spray tan if I'm not able to get enough sun pre-wedding.  Oh don't judge me.  I am vain.)

King Leer

I'm volunteering at the library today and I shelved a lot of stuff in the kids' department, because well, that's what always needs to be shelved.  I'm discussing my day with Mike:

me: I got the once over and then some from a 12-year-old.
mike: You mean up and down?
me: That and then he stared wide eyed at my chest. I know 12 year old boys are raging full of hormones, but why am I the one who feels so gross after that?
mike: Because it doesn't bother them.
me: Ugh. It's gross. If we have sons, you have to teach them not to do that.
mike: Ok.
me: Yep. I've added "teach the boys not to leer" to your fatherly duties now.    

Monday Night is back

Monday Nights used to the best human interest tv night.  The show didn't matter, whether it was Intervention, Hoarders, OCD, Heavy, even Sober Coach (though it's the least of our favorites) we watch with fascination.  But recently, Monday night has total crap on it since all those aforementioned shows had run their season and their replacements are lame.  Especially Paranormal Activity, that show totally blows.

Well anyway,  lst night we're flipping through the tv guide in vain and we see that Hoarders is on, and this person hoards dolls, and we haven't seen this one.  Clearly we flip to it.  Halfway through the show we decide that it's snack time, which, that, that may not always be the best idea during Hoarders, since you never know what kind of filth and disgusting things are hoarded and unearthed. But we're sitting at the table, and a commercial for Intervention comes on.  Not only is is all new, the drug of choice is heroin.  It's going to be a awesome. And it's the season premiere, so that means there's more Interventions the following weeks!

We were ecstatic.  We looked at each other, in complete excitement, and high-five.  Yeah, we're awesome like that.   

Always

Happy Father's Day!
My dad's disease had progressed, and it's doing so pretty rapidly.  Of course, any progression is rapid and it's too fast for any of us.  My dad's honestly, just, not all there anymore.
Yes. It's heartbreaking.  Yes, it's unbelievably frustrating.  And yes, I selfishly feel sorry for myself and my family and that we're going through this.   
But. My dad is my dad.  And though he's different, he's still here.  And I would rather have him not all there than not at all.  He'll always be my daddy.  He'll still hold my hand to cross the street.  And I will always love him.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Especially mine.  I will always be his little girl.  Daddy, you will always be daddy. I will always love you, and nothing will ever change that. 
Always.

Martha made me do it

So. I'm seriously thinking about making the flowers for my wedding.  Yes, even though I just said in the previous post how I didn't want to make anything for my wedding.  But I'm thinking about it because I really have no idea what I actually need from a florist, and how much one will cost me. 

I google search paper wedding flowers, and the queen of all things homemade, Martha Stewart, is the first link in the queue.  I am terrified of Martha Stewart.  Even more terrified of her than I am of the knot.  But you cannot deny how lovely she makes things!  So I keep clicking through the slide show, and I see this great pink bridal bouquet that I want.  Martha claims that these bouquets are very easy and take an afternoon to make, but I am dubious that anything Martha claims is easy is actually easy for those of us non-Martha types.

But, I really like that bouquet....  So I click on the learn how to link, and she provides templates, instructions, and a list of materials.  And, while I may not have great craft, I at least have craft.  I built models all the time when in design school, so I feel as though those skills could transfer somewhat.  And I really like that bouquet.... 

So, I start to price materials out.  But I also have the distinct feeling that I really have no idea how big an undertaking this actually may be.  It's one thing to say I can make my bouquet.  But that bouquet has 30 flowers.  And each of those 30 flowers has 6 plus individually cut petals, and a handmade stamen.  And then, I've got to wrap the thing all pretty.  It's suddenly not so simple.  But that's what makes it a Martha!  That it looks so deceptively simple and elegant, when it's actually so ridiculously intricate that you end up super gluing your fingers to the wall.  Pure Martha! 

Instead of running away screaming, I become more and more intrigued.  But I don't want to buy a bunch of materials and then not end up doing this.  So if I am going to do this, I am not turning back.  However, I have feeling that one day Mike will come home from work, see me elbow deep in crepe paper with flower wire sticking out of my hair, and look to me for an explanation.  And the only thing I'll be able to say is: Martha made me do this.

DIY

I'm on the knot (of course I am) and there's this whole section of DIY wedding ideas.  Little personal touches that make your wedding distinctly "you."  Such as stamping your dog's paw print for the save the date cards.  Or hand painting your monogram on the coffee mug favors you threw at pottery class.  You can bake your own foodstuff favors, and put them in the baskets you wove for the centerpieces.  Etc, Etc, Etc.  Little things.

Um, no, holy crap.  I really don't want to have to make anything when it comes to my wedding.
For a few reasons:

• I don't want to scour the town/interwebs in search of 40-something identical vases for the centerpieces at the best price.
• I don't want to lug said 40-something vases from Charlotte to Lexington to the reception site to our hotel and then back to Charlotte. 
• What am I going to do with those 40-something vases after the wedding? 
• What the hell am I doing with 40 fcking vases in the first place?
• My craft isn't awesome in general.  Six years of design school and if I never come within a mile of a bottle of sobo glue for the rest of my life that suits me fine. 
• And oh yeah, I am NOT a DIY kind of bride.

Now I'm not going to go without personal touches here and there.  I'll hand write my thank you notes, change some wording if I need to, but I'm not above printing self adhesive address labels for brevity's sake and to save me a writing cramp.  (I'll be the one doing most of the hand writing anyway, since dr soc has terrible penmanship.  (Which, he does not deny.  He never had great handwriting and it got even worse after his 11 years of higher education (though I think my friend Tiffany has the worst handwriting I've ever seen, my beloved's gives it a good run for her money)))

But.  But...sometimes DIY can be a less expensive way to go.  You spend $50 total on materials instead of paying $50 for each for 5 bridesmaid bouquets.  And I have the time right now to actually do some things, like making paper flowers for decor and bouquets.  I just don't really know if buying all the supplies and trying to be crafty would be significantly less expensive option, rather than just going to a florist to take care of it and a bigger connivance.  So I'm looking into it and weighing some options.  Maybe I do have a little DIY kind of bride in me after all.

Stylin'

So, I found this story via facebook, saying Kentucky is the most fashionable state according to Esquire magazine.
Really?  Well, ok, cool.  So that's right, you should be taking your fashion advice from someone like me.  Says the person who practically lives in her yoga pants.  That's right. I'm stylin'.

Elephant Feet

With websites like zappos, I can shoe shop whenever I want and never even have to leave my couch.  So I'm browsing for my wedding shoes.  Of course I am.  I haven't decided on anything yet and they may or not be colored.  Just cause.  If I do do color, they will more than likely be pink, but I may do yellow. (Blue would be cool too for my something blue, but everyone wants to do that since Carrie Bradshaw wed Big in that bullshit* sex in the city movie, and I am so not Carrie Bradshaw**)

I wear a 6-7, depending on the type of shoe.  Thing is, I have wide feet.  Which for some reason surprises people. I can wear a regular/medium shoe width fine, but wide shoes are much more comfortable for me.  Especially for running shoes, those things gotta be comfortable.  I want to wear my wedding shoes through my wedding day, because, well I do.  If I'm going to get fabulous wedding shoes, I want to wear them as much as I can on my fabulous wedding day. 

So I'm looking on shoe websites.  Of course the shoes I like are $230. Of course they are.  Then I turned on the filter option for wide, because why not.  But the wide heels (or heels that have a wide option) are mostly all kinda chunky looking and, in my opinion, kinda ugly.  Not what I'm looking for.  And I thought "what's with all the wide shoes being ugly?  I just have a wide foot, I'm not a freak." 

*I liked the show well enough, but it's bullshit.  In real life, power player guys like Mr Big don't change for their girlfriend, they don't fly to Paris to win her back, and they most certainly don't come begging to be forgiven after jilting their bride at the alter.   
**Clearly, I am Charlotte. Because she is the desperately wants to get married and have babies one.  And, I have dark hair.

Carb it up

My fiance apparently wants to make his already trim physique into a rock hard figure. (sweetie, if you get to the point where you can't lift your arms up all the way not I will not only laugh at you, I will continuously ask you to lift your arms up for my own amusement.  But if you do get an ass I can bounce quarters off of don't be surprised if I start throwing change at your ass.)  So his trainer has him on this new work out plan, but he also needs to change his diet a little bit in order to see results.

In other words, he should be cutting his carbs.

This is absolute blasphemy to me.  Especially now that I'm getting back into running, and I need carbs for energy.  I most certainly will not be making hamburgers without the buns or put my pasta recipe book away.  No way in hell would I ever do that.  And even though I don't know how to make rice in my mom's rice cooker and completely failed at being an asian there, I'm starchly (hehehe) refusing to cut rice out of our diet either.
    
Now, in fairness, he doesn't have to cut them out entirely.  He really just needs to cut the excess carbs out, and replace those with less processed options.  Like having a yogurt instead of toast with his cereal in the morning, or fruit salad in place of his late night cereal snack (that's one way to keep chocolate Cheerios in my house, have Mike stop eating them twice a day), or have whole grain pasta for dinner or brown instead of white rice.  That, ok, I can do that for him.

But really, he doesn't want to do this either.  And this is how I know.  
--Late night snack time-- 
fiance: What do I want to eat?
me: You want to eat carbs, you just won't.
fiance (sadly):  Yeah.  Maybe just a little bit of cereal won't hurt..?
me: I don't think a Sarah-sized bowl will hurt.  Or you can have fruit salad.
fiance: (sadly) Yeah....

Short Shorts

I have a black pair of shorts.  And they are really really short. 

Me (while going through my dresser deciding what to wear): Oh, my black shorts. I barely wore these last year.  Hmm, well, it's super hot out and I think I can pull these off.

--At the store in short shorts where every guy over the age of 10 stares at my legs and every woman gives me the evil eye.--

Me: Oh, right. Now I remember. That's why I don't wear these.

First Timers

We've looked and decided on our wedding venue* and we're thisclose to signing the paperwork and locking in the space.  I say thisclose because communication with them has been a bit of a chalange.  I've had to be a little pushy in my emails.  To thier credit though, they apologized for the wait so they are professional about it. 

Turns out we're the first couple to be getting married there.  Not only that, the building itself was just re-opened 6 months ago, and the executive staff is in transition a bit too.  There's still a few kinks to work out and wrinkles to smooth. 

I'm a first time bride* and they're a first time venue, I understand that there will be bit of a learning curve for all of us involved.  But I don't think I'm that crazy and by no means am I a bridezilla. (at least, no one has told me I am.  That is unless of course I am a huge bridezilla, so terrible that everyone is terrified to tell me in fear that I will rip off thier head.)  But I don't feel that bad about being a little pushy with them about communication.  Because if they want to be taken seriously as a venue and want to have more weddings there in the future, they are going to have to learn to deal with crazier brides than me!


*once secure I'll share the name of the place. Don't want to jinx anything yet.
**I only halfway planned a wedding before.  Doesn't count. 

Platonic

Mike and I have both now asked the people we want to have in our wedding party, and we're all set there.  We each have 4, so 8 total, but we have a split of 5 women to 3 men.  My groom has asked one of his female friends to stand on his side, and while we're not sure of the terminology, (groomslady, groomsmaid, distinguished flower girl?) we're delighted she accepted. At first Mike was a bit unsure about asking her, not about Kathy herself, but in a is this too untraditional sort of way.  But I feel as though if you are close enough friends to want them to stand up for you at your wedding, it doesn't matter what gender they are.  So he asked and everyone's happy.

The other day those two were having a facebook wall conversation full of inside jokes.  I remarked that if I didn't trust them both, him having such a close female friend could make a lesser woman jealous.  (Female friends, I'm not jealous.  Ex-girlfriends and sexy sounding computer anti-virus updates computer (seriously, the update lady sounds like she's hitting on him), that's another story)

I'm not jealous of thier friendship for several reasons.  I like her and consider her a friend of myself.  But mainly it's because I believe that a strictly platonic friendship between 2 different genders is possible, since I have several myself.  I have male friends that have only been friends, who it never occurred to either of us to cross the line.  Mike's the same way, which thank god.  Because my ex not only believed that a male/female friendship for me was impossible, he was also convinced I had hooked up with every single one of my guy friends.  He even went as far as to accuse me of sleeping with one of male friends while we were at this male friends wedding.  He accused me of sleeping with the groom.  Yeah.

Have I mentioned how glad I am to not have married him?  So, SO glad.  But yeah, platonic friendships are possible, and they make life better. 

Bride-tv

I do not make it a point to watch bride-tv.  I watched enough of it in 2008 and after a while it all blurs together as one crazy/stressed/bitchy bride/groom/wedding related personel yelling/crying/bossing around some bridesmaid/family member/fiance after another. 

But last night I'm flipping through the guide and I see My Fair Wedding with David Tutera is on.  Out of sheer curiosity, I check out the show description and read that this David-guy is going to plan a Pirates of the Caribbean themed wedding.

I was equal parts terrified and fascinated at the same time. And then flipped to it promptly.

Sparkly!

When I was being helpful I discovered this website called ring envy.  There people post pictures of their rings and their proposal stories, and you can collect "envies" on it.  (I guess that's comparable to collecting likes on your facebook status).  And you can also list the stats of your ring, such as the band metal, the color, clarity, and cut grades, and oh yeah, the price. (figuratively that is.  But I think I'm safe to assume that a $$ ring is less than a $$$$$$ ring.).  I got 1 page into it and said 'holy narcissism batman!" and vowed to myself (and dr soc) I would not be like that.

Now that I have a beautiful, beautiful ring, I love love love wearing it and showing it off.  And it's fairly unique too, I don't know of anyone else who has my stone shape and setting, or the two combined.  Which is another reason I love love love it.  But it doesn't feel right to snap a picture of it and post it to the interwebs for all the world to see.  I don't need to collect envies on it to love it more.  It came from dr soc, and yes it totally ROCKS, and that's what matters to me.

But if you do want to see a picture, just ask.  I have plenty to show!