Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Assvice

So my dog's behavior is all my fault. I get it, I f*cked up. Again. I have to train her so I don't continue to have the stench of failure all over me. So I turn to the interwebs. Which is full of assvice.
Like this:
  1. You should first start by socializing them as a puppy. Considering she's 3, we missed that step. F*ck up number one. We were too busy trying to be responsible pet owners and not get everyone else's dogs deadly sick when she was a puppy to socialize her. Sorry.
  2. Don't physically or verbally abuse. Fair enough, but what exactly do you do when they do something bad? Say no in a pleasant sing song voice to not hurt their feelings? No harmless swat on the nose to feel shame? You know, this hippy dippy feel good shit doesn't work on everyone. Sometimes old school is the way to go. (I am not advocating beating your dog. I am merely saying that a two finger bip on the nose was a good enough lesson for Bailey during potty training)
  3. Don't use shake cans because that will trigger aggressive behavior. Yeah, except the shake can works. And the sweet sing song voice doesn't.
  4. Have other people outside the family/people who live in the house help with the training. (When getting the dog to stop barking at strangers) Because my friends have time for my problems.
  5. Use a firm, controlled voice. Fine, I can do that. However, my dad mumbles and enunciates worse than me, so guess who thinks she's the alpha?
  6. Only give treats for good behavior. Yes, I know, that daily slice of cheese was a behavior I should have stopped immediately.
  7. Muzzle them to stop biting. Well, that would be fine and dandy if my mother didn't feel embarrassed for Bailey and then stop the corrective behavior mid training.
  8. Or use a shake can whenever they start biting. The same shake can I'm not supposed to use so I don't trigger aggressive behavior?
  9. Work with a professional trainer. Sure, as soon as I have a free 5-10 weeks and can pay in hopes and crushed dreams, I'll get right on that.
You know what interwebs? FUCK. OFF. I'm going to trust my instincts and train my dog how I want to. Even though this is how she got so "bad" in the first place. Kiss my ass.
So. Anyone wonder why I'm so frustrated over my dog?

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