Someone found this lawn shark sculpture online and immediately though of my husband. Because of course. So it was posted on his facebook wall and when I saw it my visceral response was: that is awesome and I want it! And when I see the $180 price tag I thought: totally doable.
The more and more I looked at it, the more and more I laughed and wanted it. And then it dawned on me this would be the coolest anniversary gift (traditional year four gift is fruit and/or flowers, so I say a lawn sculpture legit falls into the "plants" category) I almost whipped out the credit card right then then and there.
But somewhere in all that excitement I didn't do exactly that, so there had to be a reason. I just couldn't find one on my own. So I showed the garden shark it to my coworkers and asked them to find me a reason.
Josh: it's impractical
me: but it amuses me highly, so I don't care. Next reason.
Josh: hmm, well, it is $180 for something very impractical.
me: still don't care. Keep trying.
Josh: do you even have the space for it?
me: yup.
Josh: your HOA?
me: screw 'em!
Josh: well ok, I've got nothing.
me: ok, thanks for trying. ~~I turn to another coworker~~ Lauren. I want to get this for my husband and I cannot find a reason not to. Josh tried but couldn't come up with one.
Lauren looks at the image for a minute, and says:
Lauren: those teeth look really sharp. Not toddler friendly.
me: yes! Perfect reason! Not safe for the baby! Thank you!
--pause--
me: Oh. I just completely failed at being a parent didn't I?
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Color Blind
Turns out my husband is colorblind on occasion.
He comes home from class and remembers he wants to look up the term "purple states," states that have roughly equal amounts of red and blue support politically. The color analogy made perfect sense to me, but dr soc had either forgotten or didn't know red and blue made purple.
Whatever, I rattled off a quick lesson in primary and secondary colors he didn't pay a lick of attention to and I didn't care. Then the baby spit up over my shoulder and onto the couch and that became the more pressing issue. I can see at least four burp clothes in my line of sight, though none of them are within grabbing distance.
So my husband grabs my hair and starts to wiping up the spit up with that.
me: What are you doing? My hair is not a towel!
dr soc: Oh! Oops! Here, use this. ~tosses a yellow blanket to me~
me: What? That's one of her blankets! There's like 4 burp cloths right in front of me. Grab one of those!
He finds a yellow burp cloth and cleans up the 3 remaining drops of spit up that remain on the couch from my hair clean up.
me: honey, why on earth did you grab my hair?
dr soc: I thought it was the brown blanket (that the dog burrows under) we had on the couch...
Colorblind.
He comes home from class and remembers he wants to look up the term "purple states," states that have roughly equal amounts of red and blue support politically. The color analogy made perfect sense to me, but dr soc had either forgotten or didn't know red and blue made purple.
Whatever, I rattled off a quick lesson in primary and secondary colors he didn't pay a lick of attention to and I didn't care. Then the baby spit up over my shoulder and onto the couch and that became the more pressing issue. I can see at least four burp clothes in my line of sight, though none of them are within grabbing distance.
So my husband grabs my hair and starts to wiping up the spit up with that.
me: What are you doing? My hair is not a towel!
dr soc: Oh! Oops! Here, use this. ~tosses a yellow blanket to me~
me: What? That's one of her blankets! There's like 4 burp cloths right in front of me. Grab one of those!
He finds a yellow burp cloth and cleans up the 3 remaining drops of spit up that remain on the couch from my hair clean up.
me: honey, why on earth did you grab my hair?
dr soc: I thought it was the brown blanket (that the dog burrows under) we had on the couch...
Colorblind.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Blow Out
So I had a baby 4 months ago and dropped off the blog world. Meh, whatever. Maybe I'll go back and tell stories from that time, maybe not (probably not-this parenting thing is busy stuff!)
Anyway, we started my tiny baby on solids last weekend with hopes to make her not-so tiny. Or at the very least tiny but still growing like she should. (Seriously, she's in the 4th and 5th percentile for height and weight. TINY) And by "solids" I mean baby oatmeal (who knew that was a thing?) mixed with breast milk. It's a runny mess and maybe 50% ends up in her tummy, but she gets excited* for it nonetheless.
Since she's having only had breast milk up to this point, introducing solids to her diet (even as liquidy as they are) was bound to mess with her little system some and there would be some adjustment. So the day after her first oatmeal we waited for that dirty diaper. And waited. And waited some more. Eventually it happened, she got more oatmeal and we all moved on.
You know what else adjusting to solids means? Blowing out her diaper. And at the most convenient time of when I'm dropping her of at daycare. Yup. The past 3 times she's gone to daycare since starting solids, she needs an outfit change as I'm about to leave. Her last blowout took some skill because it went halfway up the back of her onesie, yet didn't soak through to her pants so she could still wear them. Her caretakers think outfit changes are her way of keeping mommy around a little longer. Which, given the skills her last blowout took, plotting may be in her wheelhouse too...
*You know who else is excited about baby on solids? The dog. First time baby sat in her highchair the dog was right there under the table at her feet. We're probably never going to have crumbs again.
Anyway, we started my tiny baby on solids last weekend with hopes to make her not-so tiny. Or at the very least tiny but still growing like she should. (Seriously, she's in the 4th and 5th percentile for height and weight. TINY) And by "solids" I mean baby oatmeal (who knew that was a thing?) mixed with breast milk. It's a runny mess and maybe 50% ends up in her tummy, but she gets excited* for it nonetheless.
Since she's having only had breast milk up to this point, introducing solids to her diet (even as liquidy as they are) was bound to mess with her little system some and there would be some adjustment. So the day after her first oatmeal we waited for that dirty diaper. And waited. And waited some more. Eventually it happened, she got more oatmeal and we all moved on.
You know what else adjusting to solids means? Blowing out her diaper. And at the most convenient time of when I'm dropping her of at daycare. Yup. The past 3 times she's gone to daycare since starting solids, she needs an outfit change as I'm about to leave. Her last blowout took some skill because it went halfway up the back of her onesie, yet didn't soak through to her pants so she could still wear them. Her caretakers think outfit changes are her way of keeping mommy around a little longer. Which, given the skills her last blowout took, plotting may be in her wheelhouse too...
*You know who else is excited about baby on solids? The dog. First time baby sat in her highchair the dog was right there under the table at her feet. We're probably never going to have crumbs again.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Signed, Seeled, Delivered
SHE'S BORN!!!
My baby girl was born healthy on November 24, 2015 at 3:27 am!!
Mike and I are thrilled to be parents and over the moon in love with our tiny little girl. Overall, we're dealing with little sleep, the most perfect baby and tons of well wishes. It was a fast labor (maybe one day I'll write more about it, while omitting many gross details), and I was able to get the epidural just in time. (OMG GET THE DRUGS, DRUGS FOR THE WIN)
And yes, we were surprised up until the very end. Especially me since I was thinking boy, but Mike was thinking girl and he was right. Which he may be a little smug about, but I don't mind. I'm a mommy! Mike's a daddy! And she's perfect. So much happiness.
My baby girl was born healthy on November 24, 2015 at 3:27 am!!
Mike and I are thrilled to be parents and over the moon in love with our tiny little girl. Overall, we're dealing with little sleep, the most perfect baby and tons of well wishes. It was a fast labor (maybe one day I'll write more about it, while omitting many gross details), and I was able to get the epidural just in time. (OMG GET THE DRUGS, DRUGS FOR THE WIN)
And yes, we were surprised up until the very end. Especially me since I was thinking boy, but Mike was thinking girl and he was right. Which he may be a little smug about, but I don't mind. I'm a mommy! Mike's a daddy! And she's perfect. So much happiness.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Old Wives Tales
Want to know what Little Turkey is? We do too! But until baby make's it's big debut, we're just going to have to rely on the old wives tales I've been collecting (from the internets, coworkers, and completely random strangers all have opinions) and speculate. So:
And in the boy column we have: 7
Neutral : 2
So...happy speculating!
- Sleep position: Sleep on my right side = girl, Sleep on my left side = boy
- I try to sleep on both sides, but I usually start and wake up on my right. Girl
- Nausea: Sick as a dog = girl. Happy no nausea preggo? (those b*tches!)? = boy
- Ugh, the 1st trimester overall nausea, dinnertime puking, random breakfast second trimester puking, and now the occasional wave of 3rd trimester nausea. Girl
- Soft or dry hands: soft = girl, dry = boy
- I have both. Dry after washing my hands (which I do after going to the bathroom every half hour. So a lot), but then soft since I moisturize right after (which also happens about every half hour as well). Neutral
- Food cravings: sweet cravings and citrus = girl. Salty cravings = boy
- Oh the sweet tooth! The baby does a little happy dance when I indulge (I bought a billion bags of Halloween candy (I had coupons! $2 off 3, you bet your ass I did!)) And I have a glass of orange juice in the morning which is new. But then again, I love pickles on my hamburger and I typically only like a bite of pickle every 3 months or so. And I've selected salty treats here and there too. But the sweet tooth is the overall ruler. Girl
- Girls steel your beauty, boys enhance
- Zits, oh the zits. My normally beautiful, soft, smooth, unblemished skin that is the envy of many is breaking out like crazy (3 zits at one time?!). Solidly girl
- Graceful swan= girl. Clumsy = boy
- I'm already a little clumsy, but now I knock myself into everything. I fall over in yoga. And my tummy bumps and gets in the way all the time. And why is getting up so difficult? Boy
- A fuller full face = girl. Normal face = boy
- normal face Boy
- Moody? = girl. Even keel = boy
- People need to stop being so incredibly stupid if they don't want to irritate me. Some idiots can't even breath without showing their ineptitude at life. Which, no. I've been throwing some serious shade (refer back to number 2 if you need further clarification). I spit nails the other night because I couldn't access a silver alert and possibly help someone. My grouchy levels are high and my bullshit tolerance is non-existent. And the feels! Why is anything that is supposed to illicit the feels have so. many. feels?! WHY? So..uh yeah, girl.
- How I carry the belly: high = girl, low = boy
- No idea. I have a longer torso and my belly is right in the middle. Neutral
- How I carry the belly "sports" edition: cute round basketball shape belly = boy. Not as cute wider pointier football shape belly = girl
- Adorable basketball belly. Boy
- Weight gain in the front = boy, weight gain that spread out = girl
- Considering people figured out I was pregnant before I told them because my ass getting wider, we'll give that one to the girl.
- Conception age and the year are both even or odd = girl. An even/odd combination = boy
- I became pregnant at 32 in the year 2015. So even/odd combo is a boy.
- Internet Chinese gender prediction: enter your age and month you conceived baby and hit the predict button (I don't know the maths/reasoning behind these calculations) They just gave me
- boy
- Heartbeat: 140+ = girl 140- + boy
- All heartbeat readings have been 140+ girl
- Mommy's dreams: whatever you dream you're having, opposite is what comes out.
- Around 20 weeks I dreamed we were having a girl. Boy
- Tie husband's wedding ring to a string and dangle over my tummy. If it spins in a circle = girl. Spin back and forth = boy (This one is the most accurate because we tested this one over my friend's tummy who is also pregnant and we know she's having a girl, and her spin was a definite circle)
- Back and forth, 2 of 3 times: Boy
And in the boy column we have: 7
Neutral : 2
So...happy speculating!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
General Baby Stuff
At 37 weeks I'm at the point of no return going to the doctor every week now. And if I go into labor the doctor wont stop it. But at least we confirmed that the baby flipped! Baby's head is down and butt is up, and isn't likely to flip back. S/he is still head butting my bladder and kicking/squishing my lungs at the same time which isn't the most pleasant, but at least we don't have to schedule a c-section before Thanksgiving. Phew! (I could still end up having one if baby decides to not come out in a reasonable amount of time, but that's a possibility I can handle)
In other pregnancy/baby news.
I was rear-ended the day before Halloween and I am fine. But since I wanted to get the baby checked out too (because that's what you do when you are pregnant) I had to go to labor and delivery since the ER doesn't have the monitoring equipment for a baby in utero. I go to the proper area, get hooked up to the fetal monitor and wait. And wait. And wait some more, and then was told the midwife wanted to keep me for about 4 more hours of observation. Which, fine, I already called work and Mike was with me and I like him a whole whole lot, so we just hung out for a while. Then about a half hour of us getting sprung, the on call doctor comes in. Turns out I has having contractions (that I had no idea I was having) 5-6 minutes apart (!) when when I first arrived and I was still having them (!!) every so often, so I was going to be kept 24 hours from the accident, so overnight, for more observation. So we got a trial run of our hospital stay, which is a good thing because we learned the place is cold and made notes about what to pack in the hospital bag for when the time actually comes. And baby was perfectly fine after all that, so that's good.
Oh yeah, that aforementioned hospital bag? We've sorta got it packed... Meaning we have stuff we can pack ahead of time set to the side but it's not in an actual bag yet. Because if we're being honest, having that bag packed freaks me out a little. And by "little" I mean holy-sht-i'm-going to be-a-mommy-so-it's-not-mature to admit I want to run away screaming.
Also, I'm over my body being up for public discussion. Well, I was never "in" to that for the record. When a patron at work informs me I wasn't pregnant the last time they saw me, (pretty sure they're wrong on that one) or someone who doesn't even know my last name goes on and on how tiny I am for so far along, it's uncomfortable. I know being told you are a small pregnant woman is supposed to be flattering, but you are still talking about my body. Mine. Not up for public discussion. (Though if the political climate keeps going the way it is as a woman I'll have no rights over it anyway.) And we can also leave my baby's parts out of that public conversation. That's no one's business either. Unless we have a girl that is. Because then she'll have no rights over her body either and we can talk all about it.
In other pregnancy/baby news.
I was rear-ended the day before Halloween and I am fine. But since I wanted to get the baby checked out too (because that's what you do when you are pregnant) I had to go to labor and delivery since the ER doesn't have the monitoring equipment for a baby in utero. I go to the proper area, get hooked up to the fetal monitor and wait. And wait. And wait some more, and then was told the midwife wanted to keep me for about 4 more hours of observation. Which, fine, I already called work and Mike was with me and I like him a whole whole lot, so we just hung out for a while. Then about a half hour of us getting sprung, the on call doctor comes in. Turns out I has having contractions (that I had no idea I was having) 5-6 minutes apart (!) when when I first arrived and I was still having them (!!) every so often, so I was going to be kept 24 hours from the accident, so overnight, for more observation. So we got a trial run of our hospital stay, which is a good thing because we learned the place is cold and made notes about what to pack in the hospital bag for when the time actually comes. And baby was perfectly fine after all that, so that's good.
Oh yeah, that aforementioned hospital bag? We've sorta got it packed... Meaning we have stuff we can pack ahead of time set to the side but it's not in an actual bag yet. Because if we're being honest, having that bag packed freaks me out a little. And by "little" I mean holy-sht-i'm-going to be-a-mommy-so-it's-not-mature to admit I want to run away screaming.
Also, I'm over my body being up for public discussion. Well, I was never "in" to that for the record. When a patron at work informs me I wasn't pregnant the last time they saw me, (pretty sure they're wrong on that one) or someone who doesn't even know my last name goes on and on how tiny I am for so far along, it's uncomfortable. I know being told you are a small pregnant woman is supposed to be flattering, but you are still talking about my body. Mine. Not up for public discussion. (Though if the political climate keeps going the way it is as a woman I'll have no rights over it anyway.) And we can also leave my baby's parts out of that public conversation. That's no one's business either. Unless we have a girl that is. Because then she'll have no rights over her body either and we can talk all about it.
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