Why My Nerves Are Shot TO HELL

There is a neighbor who hates my dog. Hates her in the sense that they want to press charges. Bailey lunges at people and I know that is scary for some. She is always on her leash when we are outside and I am able to control her. And while she does lunge, she's never harmed anyone or anything. She's received 2 tickets from animal control in the past month and a half. Both of those times she was walking with my dad, who we know can't control Bailey, or even be able to tell me the full story. And both times it was the same person who called animal control. My mom talked to the neighbor which is how we found out who hates my dog, and that they want to, but won't yet unless we do something, press charges.

Of course I panicked. Big time. I called dr soc in an emotional frenzy and explained in between sobs while he wisely kept his mouth shut about his personal issues with my dog. He was able to calm me down some and help me down the rational path a little. My first step was that I had to find out what was going on, who had what rights and what can be done. So I called animal control and got some more details and helped me understand things a little better.

First, these are nuance complaints and not citations. Citations have court dates, and furthermore, my animal is not been categorized as a violent animal by animal control. The records show that I have followed up on both these tickets and they've been dismissed in a way.

Second: Animal control has never seen my animal, or any evidence of violence, which is why she is not categorized as a violent animal. Animal control needs to witness violence towards one of their officers or physical proof, such as a mauled (or dead) animal, a bite mark in order for them to issue the citation.

However, this neighbor can still press charges in a civil suit if they wanted too. But the burden of proof is on the person pressing charges. And as far as I know, there is none of that. Because Bailey hasn't harmed anyone. Yes I know she mouthed someone's arm, and that was scary. But she didn't bite, leave a mark and no physical harm was done. So if this was to go to court, for the moment I think it's my word against theirs.

I'm not making excuses for my dog. I have called a private trainer and we''ll get Bailey to stop lunging at strangers and calm down. I am the only one that is walking her now. I work with her on basic obedience every single night. And I stay the hell away from my hateful spiteful neighbor as well. We're moving in 2 months anyway. But even when I get her trained and if she were to become 100% perfect angle, I'm always going to have this threat of legality over my head now. And this all consuming fear that I could loose my dog sends me to tears at almost anytime of day. I'm trying to be as proactive as I can in this, but I am teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I am always going to be on the defense when it comes to Bailey. I am always going to be fighting for her. And I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Sob Story

I have cried, or stopped myself from doing so, almost every single day for the past 2 weeks. Usually it's over my my dad, over my dog, the combination of those two, the frustration that won't ever go away, my classes or a test that I'm not ready for, no one listening to me and the feeling that even if I was able to convey how big a stress ball my life is right now that it doesn't really matter anyway.

What I really want to do is just sob. Cry fat sloppy tears and wail at the top of my lungs, kicking and screaming at the injustice of everything. To the point where I've literally cried out all my tears but I'm still hiccuping and eventually exhaust myself into a really deep sleep. But I don't even have the energy to get that started.

But what does it do? Crying doesn't solve anything. My life will still be a stress ball, my dad is still going to worry me, my boyfriend will still not trust my dog, still still still. So. I just continue to stop myself from crying.

I just wanted a dog

I just wanted a dog. I'd never had one before but I wanted one as an adult. A dog who I could walk and play with, who would protect me if I needed it and would be my companion. I wanted to take care of something and it would love me in return for it. So we got Bailey and I had what I wanted. I expected to have to deal with some accidents during the house breaking, her eating a few things she shouldn't and some frustration, but normal puppy stuff.

I did not expect to have to make the try-to-save or euthanize choice within the first week of being a pet owner. I did not expect to make that choice again 9 months later when knee gate occurred. I didn't expect to sink $2000 into her (now bionic due to the $2000) knees. I certainly didn't expect to leave my fiance and leave the dog with him after all that. I didn't expect (though I wasn't surprised) to have to find a new home for her when he couldn't take care of her. And I didn't expect my dad and mom to cave and let me have Bailey even though I pleaded, begged and cried for 5 days strait as I was trying to find a new home for her. So then I got Bailey for real again and then I had what I wanted.

So after all that, I'm a little lax and forgiving when it comes to Bailey. Because I'm just grateful that she's A: alive and B: all mine. But dr soc isn't as lax a pet owner as me and Bailey makes him nervous. And even though our dogs like each other, he's always going to be worried about Bailey and her behavior. So I'm in this awful place of feeling that one day I may have to choose between him and my dog. He makes me happy and with him I can have everything I've ever wanted. Bailey makes me happy because I've fought tooth and nail for her and she loves me unconditionally.

::whimper::. I just wanted a dog.

Bla Bla Bla

So I get that when you a person who talks a lot, that not everyone listens to you at all times (not even your boyfriend, though he makes a valiant effort). But to not listen to me all the time just pisses me off. Like my mom does. I'm not even going to get into the not listening thing with my dog issue right now. I'm frustrated at her for a running issue.

After I jumped on the long distance running bandwagon with my sister's encouragement, my mom did too. So she's all proud of herself and running and decided maybe she'll want to do a half marathon like both her girls have done.

First, it takes her months of maybe-I-will-maybe-I-wont talk just to idea of running the thing in the first place. And then another few months to commit to sign up and pay for the damn thing after my sister and I told her to put her money where her mouth is just do it already. My sister promises to run the race every step of the way with her and finally mom dilly dallies int a decision to go for it. And I'm a little jealous because I wanted to do a race this fall too, but I know I wouldn't have the time to train for it this semester.

So now she's training and all is well, and race day is this Saturday. Both my sister and I tell her (repeatedly) to not run more than 10 miles for her longest run and to taper off the week before the race. Because that's what we've both done and we've completed 8 (I think) half marathons between us. So mom decides to not listen and runs 11 miles on Sunday and twists her ankle. So race day was not looking like a possibility right then. However, Mom saw a sport doctor on Wednesday. And they said she wouldn't do any more damage to the injury and it was ok to run on Saturday. So race day is still on!

And now, mom's thinking about not doing the race. WTF, I am ready to scream at her. She got the injury by being bullheaded and not listening to both my sister and I. You know, runners. (so we're not pros. We're still f*cking runners) And then, a SPORT DOCTOR tells her it's ok to run and she gets all trepidations about it. You know, someone who went to med school and specializes is this stuff and who is a professional. Their advice isn't good either!

I had to rearrange my work schedule to see her run this. I have to study this weekend after her race in addition to watching my dad the entire time. I had to find a dog sitter (thanks Laura btw!). My sister bought her plane ticket and just finished her 5th marathon last Sunday (yay Amy btw!). Frankly I think she's just being a sissy. But by telling her to suck it up I look like the ass hole.

Tweet Tweet

I saw this book at work the other day:

cover courtesy of Amazon

And my initial response was to say this out loud: no monkeys don't tweet, but there are a lot of monkeys on twitter. --pause-- I can't believe I just said that.

Yep. I don't know either.

Higher Education

I just confirmed my appointment to take the GRE. ::eep::

Yep, I want to go to grad school. I wasn't sure if I would want to go back to school again after doing the same thing almost 2 years ago. But after working in a library it's pretty much only a matter a time that you want to be a librarian yourself.

However, to be a librarian you need to have a Masters in Library Science (sometimes it's masters of library and information science depending on the program). Masters means grad school. Which means I need to take the GRE (among many other things).

I found an accredited library school program in Charlotte which is what spurred the decision to at least try for it. I'm putting all my eggs in one basket since this is the only program I'll be applying to. But I have to try. And taking the GRE is one of the first steps in doing so.

Holy crap. I'm doing this.