Waiting on my Book Deal

All library workers are writing the Next Great American novel as we sit around and read all day. True fact. Now, I have no disillusions my book will be the Next Great American Novel, but I do have over-inflated sense of importance that the world needs to hear my musings so I am absolutely deserving of a book deal. For these 2 reasons:

Reason 1: I have a blog. And I started my blog at the tail end of men everyone with a blog gets a book deal. And this blog has many, many components of a book deal. Such as:

1. It is about my real life exploits and I am an extremely relatable heroine/protagonist.
2. I express my opinions in snarky hilarious ways, because I write like I talk and I make people laugh All. The. Time. rehashing the aforementioned real life exploits. Whimsical loquacious bloggers get book deals.
3. It has a built in story arc of a book deal. (broken engagement→dating→meeting dr soc→ marrying dr soc→best/worst wife ever→pregnancy→mommy)
4. The built-in story arc from my real life exploits have made whyeverythingshouldbepink several 'types' of blogs that get book deals. While mostly a 'lifestyle' blog it also a 'dating' blog, a running 'fitness' blog, a dog 'pet' blog, a bubble of tulle 'bride' blog, a  married, pregnant lady 'personal' blog, and it's currently 64% hilarious/heartwarming/jerky adventures of my children (and the stockpile of drafts to prove it) 'mommy/parenting' blog.  And mommy/parenting blogs always get a book deal. 

But like I said, I started at the tail end of the blog = book deal. By the time I had the content and story arc of a book deal, that ship had mostly sailed. Maybe. Sigh. But!

Reason 2: Twitter. I mastered the art of eloquently voicing my thoughts in 140 characters or less without using text talk like an uncultured swine. I have been (and continue to do so frequently) tweeting well before everyone with a slightly amusing/witty/prolific twitter feed also receives a book deal. Plus now that Twitter allows 280 characters and I finally figured out how to put returns in my tweets, it's like I've been writing nothing but mini novels. Maybe the Next Great American Novel even.

So. With those 2 reasons I really can't help to wonder: Where is my book deal?

Secrets

Dr soc took Little Turkey shopping with him for my Christmas gift, and reminded her don't tell mommy which she took to heart. She was well aware this was a secret. They get home from shopping and she is so excited. While daddy gets things out of the car she comes right over to me with her little hands covering the biggest smile on her face. She leans in and very emphatically whispers:

girl 1: Mommy! We didn't get you ponies!* --pause--
(dr soc walks in the house) 
girl 1: We got you a mug! 
dr soc: (face palm, laughing hysterically) Little Turkey! I just told you that was a secret! 
me: (laughing hysterically) That's why she whispered!

We were both laughing so hard that she actually started to look a little unsure that maybe she hadn't  done the right thing. I felt bad about that, so still giggling I beckoned her over and stage whispered if she wanted to know what we got daddy for Christmas. She nodded eagerly.
me: okay! We got him a pineapple! But shh! It's a secret!
girl 1: Okay! (turns around to face dr soc and whispers emphatically with hands over her mouth again) Daddy! We got you a pineapple!   

*Her gift suggestion. Also her suggestion for what we should get daddy, what the baby wanted and what she asked Santa Claus for. Got to hand it to her, she covered all her bases so that one way or another she was going to get those ponies.