if you

If you don't rsvp for my wedding, you don't get a place setting.
If you don't get a place setting, you don't get a meal.
If I don't eat, I get cranky.
I rsvped. I get a place setting. I won't get cranky.
Can't say what the rest of y'all are doing, but I'm good!

Odds

Today is my future in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. And in August my parents will celebrate 35 years of wedded bliss.
I'd say the odds on my upcoming marriage are pretty good.
Congrats guys!

Mind Reader

I am not a mind reader.  I do not know if you are going to be at my wedding unless you actually rsvp one way or another.  Just saying.
Though, if I was a mind reader, not only would I keep that little tidbit to myself, I would use my power only for evil.

Missing Pieces

coworker: --holding up what i think is a dress-- Where does this go?
me: --pointing to an area in the juniors section-- I think over there.
coworker: Thanks. It's cute isn't it?
me: Yeah. But where's the rest of it?

Let's just say it was a bit small.

know your audience

Last night
mike (excitedly): do you know what tomorrow is?
my first thought was: holy crap 1 month from the wedding! 
Then I realized who my audience was. And said out loud:
me: NFL draft day!
mike: YES!!!!

Oh yeah, he knows I'm a keeper!

Hidden Meanings

My facebook status today: there are 32 days until the wedding. Yes. I'm counting.
What I meant: there are 32 days until the wedding. rsv fcking p bitches.

I did get 14 likes. And then an rsvp later in the evening.  But of those 14 likes, 5 of those punks haven't officially rsvped. Sigh 

Too Pretty

Ok, so I'm not tardy to the party or anything, but I'm 5 weeks from my wedding and haven't had time to snark about this until now. The writer who whined about being too beautiful.  Due to her ravishing looks, she's constantly spoiled by unwanted attention and lavish gifts of champagne and caviar that she never asks for, she's never been a bridesmaid, and women won't eave their husbands' sides if she's in the room. And not surprisingly, she doesn't have any female friends.

First: never trust a woman without girlfriends.
Second: to no one's surprise (except maybe her's) the reactions weren't met with any sympathy. And not only was there no sympathy, there was some, shall we say, backlash.

I am under no delusions that I am an attractive woman.  But I have not been showered with unwanted gifts of champagne and caviar, (first, because a gift of champagne is always a welcome gift in my world. Caviar though, I'll pass) nor am I constantly being burdened with upgrades to first class plane tickets. (the only time I have ever consciously gotten the pretty girl discount, was when my $3 and something left on my uk plus account was enough for the $6 something I needed for a pair of replacement lab goggles the one time I forgot them before chemistry lab.)  But you don't see me "complaining" about it like this brittish chick.

It's dirty common knowledge that pretty people sometimes have it a little easier in some areas. But no one want to have that acknowledged. So all she was doing was rubbing the not so pretty people's faces in it it seemed. And pretty doesn't make you a better person. But I guess it doesn't matter if you're ugly (or just less than beautiful) on the inside, because the pretty shell seems to be all you need anyway.

Reasons For Marriage

A few reasons I am getting a husband:

• lift heavy objects
• kill spiders
• check on that noise in the night
• open jars (though I'm getting better at this myself)
• reach tall things.
• companionship for those plus one type events
• and to go to the bank for me

A few reasons dr soc is getting a wife:

• to tell him where to put heavy objects that he's moving
• to hear the noise in the night
• to cook what's in the jars he opens
• to reach the lower things (though, once we have kids I'll make them do that since they will even be closer to the ground than I will be)
• my smaller hands can get into tighter places (though once again, I'll more than likely let the kids take that over once they master the hand-eye coordination thing)
• companionship for those plus one type events.
• to spend the money he gets from the bank
• some one to make lists for him and plan his social calendar
• a purse to put his iphone and keys

See now, I think this works splendidly!

Week in the Knees

We're getting married the end of next month. Or as I've figure out, 7 weeks. WEEKS.

Seven weeks. Seven. Weeks.  That's single digits. Weeks not months anymore.   I mean, seven weeks is less than a semester, actually, less than half a semester. It's less than a (school) quarter. Hell, it's even less than Kim Kardasian's marriage.

It really is approaching so fast. Now I see why brides go freak out!

Happy Easter

me: Apparently today is Good Friday.
mike: Um yeah, I guess it is isn't it? The day that Jesus went streaking.
me: What?
mike: The apostles or whatever go and check on the body and only find the sheets they wrapped him in and no body. So Jesus was running around naked.
me: Ha! Hey wait, I thought Easter was the day he woke up. The whole 'he has risen' thing.
mike: Oh, good point. 
me: So Good Friday must be the day they put him in the cave. 
mike: Yeah, that sounds right. Then they go to check on him and he's risen from the dead. Just like a zombie!
me: --snort-- Hey, Easter just got a whole lot cooler now that I realize it's about a streaking zombie.

Happy Easter everyone!

Wild and Crazy

Dr soc is having his wild and crazy bachelor party this weekend. I read a coule "articles" about what really goes on at a bachelor party (lots of cheating with strippers/wh()res it out it seems), but why you should let him have one, (so you can get back at him by cheating on him at your bachelorette party, obviously) or how to cope with his party, ect. To which I just roll my eyes and think, if you are worried/insecure about your guy having a bachelor party/cheating on you, there are other issues to deal with. (if either of you are going to cheat on the other you were going to cheat regardless of the situation/party/excuse. Just saying....)

Anyway, yours truly over here, isn't worried in the slightest though.  For several reasons.

1. First: he's not the type of man that I need to worry about behaving badly in the first place. (Which really is the root of all of this and that we trust each other in the first place)
2. Second: His brother and friends aren't the kind of guys you worry about either, which is why for Mike's bachelor party they are: 
3. Going to a hockey game and bowling. Mike didn't want a stripper/strip club, because:  
4. He's a bit over cautious in general and thinks strippers/strip clubs are dirty and there isn't Lysol in the world to make him comfortable there. 
5. Also, his dad and uncle(s) will be there at the party.
6. And number 5: His mom will be there*.

Yep. Have fun honey!

*ok, the real reason she's there is because it's Easter weekend and she wants to be with her sons and extended family. She won't be at the actual bachelor party itself.  But it's still pretty funny to say his mom is going to the bachelor party as a means of keeping dr soc in line!

Plain Jane

me: (reading the title of an "article") can 'plain' women have a chance with guys? --snort-- of course they do. Guys will eventually marry them, but they just won't date them.
mike: What?
me: It's just along the same lines as guys date blonds, but marry brunettes
mike: What?
me: Yeah, when you men folk are dating, you don't want anything serious. So you go for the blonds because they're prettier aren't serious have more fun. Then when you want to get married and settle down, you go for the brunettes who are boring and clearly not as pretty, but stable. Better for the long term.
mike: I see.
me: I don't know where redheads fit into that though. They get left out of everything I guess.     

Brackets

So. Did you see my Wildcats just won their eighth national championship?!?!?!?! Woohoo!!!

I was pulling for Kentucky* the whole time, but if you looked at my paper bracket, (the one I actually filled out and put on the fridge like a piece of kindergarten artwork) you'll see I had someone else slated to win the national championship. 

Now, before anyone doubts my Kentucky faith/love, you must understand that I set my paper bracket up that way in order to help them win!

Because I cannot, for the life of me, pick a winner. Brackets, a horse race, even a blind draw, I never pick the winner. So my paper bracket is always total crap and never right. And if I had put Kentucky down to go all the way, they most certainly wouldn't have. So by putting someone else to win the national championship, I therefore cursed that team** and left the path open for Kentucky to take it all.

You're welcome.

However, I did pick them to win the whole thing on what I like to call, my "mental bracket." And that's a bracket that I fill out in my head and I just put Kentucky as the winner and don't really bother to fill in the teams they play against.

So my paper bracket this year, was wrong which was expected. But my mental bracket was golden!

*If you don't cheer for Kentucky they kick you out of school or take away your degree. I'm pretty sure that's in the by-laws
**Once again, the exception here is Duke. I cannot bring myself to put them in the national champion spot even if it is a means of cursing them. However, I did have them going to the elite 8 and they were out the first round, so I like to think I helped some.